Please know that we will be in prayer for you as you go through this trial.
What I recommend is three things:
1) Remember that God loves you and that God is NOT a liar. God says that nothing will come into your life that you cannot handle. I know that you may think you cannot handle it, but you can with God at your side. I know this to be true because I have been through what you are going through and because I know that God keeps his promises and is not a liar.
Live has thrown you a lemon. Now let God make lemonade from it.
You need to turn to God who will never forsake you or leave you. We are never truly alone.
I was divorced some 25 years ago. I stopped dating about 17 years ago because I saw dating as a waste of time unless I met someone who had at least a remote potential for a relationship. This was long before I became Catholic and then took vows as a celibate brother. I know the loneliness that you are feeling.
Although it is a tired cliche it is absolutely true that time heals. It took me about 5 years to get over the demise of my marriage. Those were a hard five years, but I got through them and you can too.
2) Recognize that your situation involves psychological factor. Since you are depressed with suicidal thoughts it is imperative that you seek professional counseling. The local Catholic Charities should be available to you with fees on a sliding scale. A local Mental Health Center may also be available that also uses a sliding scale to figure fees.
In the meantime, or in an emergency, if things really get bad, especially with temptations to suicide, then you need to call a Crisis Line. Check your local phonebook for numbers to Crisis Hot Lines, or you can check this website for various national Crisis Lines your can call: Crisis Lines Listings
3) Recognize that your situation involves a spiritual factor. Your heart has been broken. When that happens is also effects your spirit. You need to recognize that and seek to minister to your spirit as well as to your psychological self.
Spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Pray. Develop devotions such as to St. Dymphna, the patron saint for people who are experiencing emotional stress and the like.
I would also recommend that you buy the book, God's Psychiatry by Charles Allen. The two chapters I recommend especially is the meditation on Psalm 23 and the other on the Beatitudes.
I have found that many people in trauma and crisis have been comforted and healed through daily meditation using this book. Mediate on Psalm 23 and the Beatitude every single day.
In addition to this, pray daily for God to cast away from you any spirit of depression and spirit of suicide that may be around you. This is a preventative and proactive measure just to be sure those nasties do not try to take advantage of you while you are down.
You can make it through this valley, Hyde. God has not abandoned you. He is with you right now and so is your Guardian Angel. Take comfort in that and trust in God to guide you through this dark valley. You will reach the mountaintop again.
God Bless,
